I accept

It was unlikely...
That i could have time to write blog during this exam season...
Because...
I really could not tahan le...
I totally cannot concentrate my studies...

I stress...
Cause i need to study even though my heart not there...
I know i shouldn't say that...
But i couldn't lie myself anymore...
Pei Pei also withdraw le...
Why i can't?

I been thinking to do so...
A plenty of time...
But i know it will not ever happen...
Cause i still know what i want...
However...
I must understand "today is not the same as before"
Many thing has interrupted me...
Distract me...
No doubt...
I was a human also...
Low Shee Iuan also will confuse sometimes...
And i was in this moment right now...

Luckily...
I accept the fact that i was situated now...
But is that a good or bad...
Still don't know...
Accept makes me reduce stress...
But no stress won't have good performance...
Is a trade-off...
From my business perception...
Hee...

Maybe i should felt lucky...
As my "confusion" period come to this moment...
If it happen when i was younger...
Say secondary...
It spoil my whole life...
Looking back the time...
Fortunately that i was very serious in my study...
Resulting a good basic skill of me today...
If this time i cannot go through...
I say sorry to my family first...
Actually i should be the one to be apologize...
But since i have accepted...
So i only need to explain to my family...
But,
Anyhow,
It isn't too late...
Cause i still can continue if one day i recharged...
Maybe until MBA,
Maybe until PHD...
Who know...

But just one thing i cannot turn back again...
Which i getting older and older...
People do always reply me that i only 22...
Which people think is a starting point...
Especially for a guy...
But,
For me...
My soul, my mind, and my heart was exceed far away than this age...
Many thing i prefer or i like is different than the people i met in my badge...
If my interest are same as them...
I think i should live very happily...
Unfortunately,
I not...
Instead,
I love those adult live style...
Who need lots of financial support and experience to reach there...
And today of me...
Was only 22...
I was unaffordable by the age...

I sitting for my Advance Diploma of Banking and Finance for the final year today...
I was a piece of wasted if i didn't carry on and pass through it...
Although just a piece of paper...
But it only bring a good prestige of mine...
Nothing more important than that for me...
Cause,
I almost impossible to work for other after i graduate...
Lansi...

Family, business, fun, exploring and many factors...
That impossible bring me to the student life again...
No regret le, Losu...
No matter what happen to me...
I will just give myself an explanation...
Instead an excuse...
But i wouldn't explain to everyone...
Cause i will take responsible of myself...
Jia You! Losu!

A weird night

21.8.2009
Late night at 1.45am,
Abnormal...
I was not at home...
But is at a another person home...
Who i don't know her and she don't know me...
I'm here...
Just as a companion for my friend...

I,
Sitting in the corner of the kitchen...
With the wall fan blowing the mid night breeze...
Is sleepy and exhausted...
Anyway,
I was recharge and felt refresh...
Watching a charm and beautiful make-up profession,
Drawing and painting a piece of art on a teenager face,
Without charging any fees...
Haha...
What an odd moment i was situated in right now..
Furthermore i suppose belong to a revision hour with my thick notes and textbook at home...
Actually,
Every people in the house here tonight,
Is giving their best to perform a better show for a school event tomorrow...
And me...
For sure i support this kind of contribution la...
Anyhow,
I was mesmerize with this uncommon but interesting scene in front of me...

You know...
She was virtually beauty in this moment...
The concentration of her fancy job,
The great-hearted for the youngsters...
And the sacrifice for the arts...
Is all a different character with the one i saw in the dance floor in M.O.S.
It touch my heart,
As the word 'realistic' has totally fading away from my dictionary...
As compare with a business man of me...
Who only think to do a service job with payment...

I impress,
And felt happy...
It prove that the world isn't only concern the issue of pricing or reward...
But the love, the passion and the sacrifice as well...
Thank god,
For giving me such a unlikely opportunity to preview all this effort...
The effort behind the screen...
Although it spend my study, resting time...
But i did not felt proud...
Instead...
Should gave a big claps to these people...
The youngsters...
The make-up profession...
And everyone who support for this event...
You all are awesome...
I represent the society to thank all of you...

Supper with myself

Long time did not have so free le...
Always busy here busy there...
finally, finish all my assignment...
It like reduce half of my burden right now...
Feel really relax...
Now...
In late night,
Doing my company account...
But just now suddenly felt hungry...
Went down side mamak eat le Maggie Sup Ayam...
Cold and lonely...
Now back to my room...
Feel not initiative to continue my work...
Write blog then...

I saw some other people doing their blog...
With lots of design and decoration...
Haha...
I like simple...
Sorry my blog is very dull...
Haih...
I still have many photo have not post yet...
No time...
ZZZ...

Finnish assignment,
Need to start do revision already...
Exam is left 1 month to go only...
This time feeling better than previous...
Cause i been more hard working in this sem...
Attend lecturer, listen tutorial...
But not all la...
But at least improve than previous record a lot le...
Anyhow,
Many other stress from other perspective is coming to me...
The 5 sub i taking really not easy...
I still have high chances to die...

This few week i want to thank some one,
Mr leong Chee Chuen
A friend of my brother friend but also my friend brother...
He has put his full effort on me to guide me up and direct me...
I, Losu, can say lan si de...
Hardly trust someone...
But,
I hope i did not trust wrong person...
Cause i hardly find trust today...
Even myself...

Why i want to do something which no result?

I hate myself!
Of putting myself in this situation again...
Low Shee Iuan, why you can't be clever a bit?
You are totally disappointing...

The truth beyond the lie is a lie or a real truth?

What should i do leh?
Between truth and lie...
How can i differentiated it?
Can i trust on you?

This is not the first time...
That i received negative comment on you...
I believe you be truthful to me...
I trust you!
But why didn't you tell me everything?
And why i keep receiving people blame on you?
Should i continue have faith on you?
Putting me in the middle on the left and right path...

Sorry as i couldn't not to protect myself...
But i should...
Have faith on you too...
Then?
What should i do?

I don't wish to see you suffer in fact i can live happily...
I rather it was i...
If i took all the responsibility...
I thinking...
But,
I was unaffordable...
Image among my friends is extremely significant...
I couldn't lost them...
Moreover...
I have too much stress nowadays...
With this pressure add on...
I will collapse.
Hope you really understand...
How?
Is that i need to put all this responsible to you?
NO WAY!

I don't want to suspicious you...
I hope everything is explainable...
Once it be clarified...
I will defend on behalf of you...
From everyone's mouth...
If no one trust you...
I don't mind be the only one...
Hope no disappointment to me...

I miss you.