family~

is listening music...
drinking two bottle of tiger...
under 18'c air-con...

is tiring...
can feel the shoulder is so hard...
my dad n mom n the little niece just back to kluang...
after 3 days two nite trip at kl...
is so delighted...
can have a time with them at kl...
although i only meet them two days...
although i feel a bit headache of drive here n there...
but i still excited of the time together...
people getting older le...
will more appreciate their family...
always the youngest at home of me...
more harder have the responsibility of family..
but i knew...
i love them...
lots..
more than what i expect i could do...
time pass...
still can remind the time when they still can hug me...
remember the time we play badminton at the road side...
the time we one family went to watch movie together...
also...
i could remember the time how i make them angry in the in car at kluang...
how fight with them...
mom dad old le...
gettting older n older...
happy is they still maintain healthy...
no much time they still can like today...
walk so long in the shoping complex...
when only i can earn enough leh?
how long left i only can bring oversee see snow in the winter season?
i was hoping my career could more stable as soon as possible..
may my wish come true~

因为我不喜欢比胜负

就好像打羽毛球的李宗伟， 如果他尽能力了， 输，也不用紧。 做好自己了，就可以了。有什么好讲的叻？一哥不用输啊？我还是会欣赏他，因为他是个努力的健将。努力的人，是比先天有的还要吃苦。。。我尊敬！胜和负， 真的那么重要吗？ 胜利，也不一定很难。要胜，可以有很多手段。输，也可以不是因为弱。而不喜欢比胜负的我，不是因为怕，而是比较重视自己有没有做好自己。赢，就更开心咯；输，就想下次做更好吧。尊严，对我而说，也不是很在乎的东西。难道做“鸡”就不是人吗？有那个有翅旁的不想当凤凰？有的选择，我都想当哈利波特男主角。嗨，人很奇怪的动物。因为太有思想了。想要这个，想要那个，有时，也没有想过，自己所有的，是怎样来的。 我也是个贪的人。这真常。可是，我个人认为，就不要把自己的快乐建在别人的身上咯。。 嗨。。今天我的邻居小妹被骗了。电话和钱没了。。可怜。。。有时，我不晓得，人民为何，爱投诉政府这，投诉那。。不是说投诉不好，只不过，有没有想清楚，你的投诉，是以大局为重吗？有没有林吉祥那样为人民着想？如果有，我也尊重你。哈哈。如果一百层大厦建了会让经济提升，也不是个坏事。起码如果经济提升，每个人民都有好处。比建学校，我个人会觉得比较有大局为重的。虽然它不一定会有这么好效果，可是政府的决定，也是一种投资啊。。我们做生意可以有机会投资失败，为什么政府不能？若成功呢？反正就是大家要有福同享，有难同党的心态嘛，不要老是想自己的利益。可是，不投资就一定死的啦！常常，我都会给人家批评，说我做的不好，做错了，不应该将，那样。我，当然不高兴。那，我会检讨，再检讨，做好为止。别人认为太迟了，不理了，也没关系。因为检讨不是因为任何人，也只不过是想自己做得更好罢了。有什么做不对的，不美的，丢脸的，下流的，也接受吧。。自己也是人一个。每人都会犯错。圣人也不过是如此。我老友说，再美的美女，也是会放屁，打嗝，挖鼻屎。。。你我他，没有分别。。不用装。。。好啦，说完了，晚安。

im not going

since kui vui have go uk...
manythg force to swollen alone...
but,
thx soonwei has back...
but manythg still uncertain.
i still have to make my own decision...

losu,
you like to become general...
so is difficult when come to desicion making.
i support "that" was a solution indeed...

is been tough...
but thx....
i am tougher now...
thats why i like myself now..
nothing can beat me!

i expect nothing...
i learned...
i will know one day i could fail...
but afraid nothing....
i coming to handle everythg...
as long as my dad n mom are good...
then iuan nothing to scared!

life was different if u perceived ur life differently...
i accept i come from empty....
same i do need accept i go with nothing too...
for me...
the most precious thing i the world is to see people smile :)
i like to see anna smile, cat smile, eunice smile, yuk smile....
haha...
chicks smile most nice one!

in business...
R&D is very important...
i just want convince myself...
iuan ar...
is no wrong u do lots of research...
jia you ba...
hee...

finally i know...
i not old...
still more to do for next generation....
dear fren...
lets spread the love ba...
like mj do.

Ally, i miss u~

is enjoying the lonelymoment now...

i resign...
first time dint tell my family when do such decision...
i dono how to told them...
i don want to explain...
just want do what i plan to do...
what i really want to do...

i think everyone deserve a right to do his or her own preference...
if that decision doesn't affect others...

Freedom... uncontrollable... commitment free...
everyone also hope to become...
but is that we can go for it?

ya, if that doesn't effect others...
otherwise, is our responsibility to do something even though we don like to do...

is Enjoying Lonely...
i good to become single again...
now no need headache of that thing anymore...
i do really like business...
business fanatic...
hope to use my business,
to contribute to the society...
hope to use my business,
to tell my people that this is my hobby...
nth special in my life if i scarify my this hobby...
i love it so much...

from small,
i am a chinese chest player...
xiang qi teach me how to plan, create strategy, think long term,
count possibility, and how efficient i can achieve that.

ya, indeed.
i am a planner, strategiest, and estimator...
i hard to have this skill too...
cause it could condemn my personality...
but somehow, once awhile i will accidentally apply in wrong way...
cant say anything...
this is fate..
i born to have this...
and is my duty to use it in good side...
but if somehow i uncontrol or accidentally wrong using...
then is the meaning that is not my right time.
is destiny.

i would say i so appreciate what i have now...
i doesnt care whether i lost or i gain...
as long as it belong to me...
should be proud to have. chance to own..
nothing is eternity.
we just need to know we are in this law...
the law of universal.
haha...

if love me, don leave me. if wan leave me, don come love me.

suan le ba Iuan....
U did your best le...
if not yours then is not...
leave it...

it been almost 3 months...
i been justify as a devil...
i just dono why...
knowing me is this person...
but suddenly can so easily judge negative on me...
i just a normal person...
will do wrong also...
but why once i do wrong will so serious judgement...
till cant have chance to deal at all...
is so meaningless la my life...
everytime also like this...
even her also...
thought she will look out of the box...
but is same too...

ppl got high hope on me...
ppl feel i great...
ppl attracted by me...
but once i cannot do what they want...
there la...
a lot blaming...
a lot disappointment...
i will do my best...
can just sometime give some excuse on me?
why i can understand u all...
but u cant?

everythg has pass...
but memories still...
wan to forget it...
but i know is real...
but it was different than now...
i be thankful...
for making me more stronger now...
just if,
i could success...
i will thanks again...

double rainbow

what to write leh...
dono...
is so angry now...
but is still happy...
hungry... wanna out for dinner...
but no key go out..
honn havent back yet... nia sing...

dono why o...
recover le..
ok le...
still want make myself so no face...
haih...
is no point...
i dont care one...
face is not important to me in relationship...

heart so peace already...
eventhough many fucking respond from her...
use to it...
will bu suang la sure...
but really not like last time le...
happy with my performance right now...
stronger alot...
maybe win lose for me is not a big deal...
i think relationship no win lose one ba...
want ma go,
don wan ma say...
i enjoy being this style till now...
at least i will respect myself.
i dono other people how...
but losu is hard to let go person...
well...
everyone will have his weakness n strengh...
i weak of that...
what to shame about?
i human also ma~

today i saw double rainbow leh!!!
two rainbow!
haha, sorry i really first time see that...
people say after rain only got rainbow...
hmm...
meaningful ar...
i know i enjoying the rainbow.

many busy now le...
since i start my engine a month ago...
planning to have second kiosk too..
hmm....
is really following my plan 3 month before...
though was an obstacle come in...
but yet i still know what i doing...
just dont feel want be to logic n wise in relation only...
everyday face many job also use brain already burst...
no possible wan me face fren n family also need act ba...
i love them o...
act to them i so guo bu qu...

thanks "heart sutra"...
teh la kat teh...
dono wat...
but very nice music...
hmm...
i know i need to do what...
gv me sometime...
i always know...

settle

Although ready dy...
but still will sad...
i always knew...
i always understand...
but i not agree...
From that time till now...
i never agree.
No right to disagree...
cause not i choose...
Long time dint feel so alonely at room..
Long time dint so upset le...
this few week work very enjoy actually...
Perhaps i also dono it is real enjoy or a escape...
but i do, really know what i doing...
i do know it is impossible...
things never can settle together also same...

i almost forgot who it is...
i almost cant remember what is the real memories...
i forced to put it in a box,
never can open it.

walk alone,
is not my life...
i rather earn lessor...
i want have ppl share with me...
recall back last time partner with leslie...
is quite enjoy...
team with kui vui, leslie, kit at lexmark...
till now also excited if thk back...
who say work cannot tie with relation?
work life balance...
LOSU i am :)

i have my own handling problem skill...
i don't need people pity me...
but i like people care me...
who say guy cannot like people care?
who say i losu role must only to care people but cannot let people care?
i born with same features...
if i have more...
i always share with people...
i always pray for those miserable...
i give everyone fair...
i give everyone respect...
i just want a little bit selfish sometime...
protect for my own.
thats all.
Im losu, still losu...

people sometime never thk of both side...
possitive could be negative...
negative could be possitive...
advantages could be disadvantages.. vice versa...
when you like something,
u will thing it possitive...
when u dislike something...
you hate the disadvantages...
what happen to those think both side?

you will never know what is the feeling of being judge as criminal, by your most love.
the feeling like want to die...
cant breath cant eat...
willing do whatever to explain...
hope to be trust....

now.. i could wont bother...
want judge just go ahead...
i always loss because i too care...
now i just know...
i should care myself more sometime...
is really annoy me...

finally i rescue myself...
finally i also need to go for new life...
finally i could say...
i freedom.

man in the mirror

This two weeks have learned many things...
is fresh for me and i could say i improve me...
haven't pratically testify...
but theoritically it helps alot...
same lots of time to find myself...
is fortunately have a master to guide us...
erm...
Mr Albert have become my current learning target..
and i treat him as my fif sifu lo...

Everyday seem to a good day to me now...
getting put down all the matters...
Sometime it might bought me down...
but future days telling me i should stand strong...
and stand with pride.

Woke up early in the morning is new challenge for me...
somemore i staying alone...
work in systematically is most difficult..
cause i use to a careless and messy man...
be a good follower is my coming challenging job..
i should turn all my previous mindset as what i say...
i never can think of having a choice anymore...
i learn so call "force to".

Anyhow,
My concept of life will never change...
I will not change because of anyone too...
Though i seems neccessary for everyone...
but,
for me concept of work life balance shouldnt be terminated.
And i believed,
thats is the meaning of life.

i like myself when i concentrate one thing...
its beautiful...
not mean my look...
is the process...
erm...
long time din't have such feeling already...
but i think i hard to have yet...
cause i still finding some formula...

Just now looking at the mirror...
i saw myself,
looks really thin...
but,
I happy...
Cause i could seee my smiling face le...
I hope i can soon let go all the pass and..
as what carwen said...
light up my life...

Accept

Accept le... is nice.. release.. though is painful, but it bring forward... it not mean u let go... accept only ask you move forward... i, losu, here to say thanks for giving me this chance to realise...
life is not under our control...

actually something now i only know... where i always dono before... dono what is no choice... dono wat is forced to... dono wat is must... i been live in 23 years in this world, never knew what is the feeling when you have no choice in your menu but u forced to accept the one you don like the most... everything also have the chance to negotiate... everything also have the alternative way for me to do...that's what i behave in this pass 23 years...
finally, now only realize, i never strict to myself.

is learning to do my basic... is forgoten the time i force myself to study kimia n fizik this two crazy subject... is forgoten when i was serious in doing my work....
i found it was very beauty... i always remember, i want to develop sandakan...

tmr have to go training again... very excited to go... i found that sometime motivation is belong to our own. if very enthusiative to do, it is motivation. i understand, not everything must have an expected outcome. PROCESS is always the nicest thing. since at the end, every one have to die..

never blame anyone, never blame god, never blame myself, it just do your best what is under your control... if that is not under your control, u cant do anythg but just accept it..
love, is always around, if you really notice what around you, love it, appreciate it, but not to own it. cause nothing is eternity... we do feel sad, when thing not yours or when thing is yours but have gone... what you can do? :)
that's the game rule of life... you join to live, just accept this rule.

just allow me express my feeling here

sometime..
until now...
i still couldntt accept the fact...
is not i avoid,
is just sometime,
couldnt believe this...

i actually know what happen...
i know what going wrong...
i know what should i do..
challenging any task is exciting for me...
but challenging to put aside someone is nearly impossible to me..
i no confident...
i believe i would fail...
but i just want her.
i try whatever i could...
until the day i really injured and break down.

every breath i take will equal one miss of her..
every heart beat will asking me to care her...
stay very far...
with busy schedule...
with our relationship situation...
is trible hard to reach...
she knew this too...
that why she decide...
with the decision...
is end up every little pain from quarrel...
but at same time end up every little happiness too...
she choose, i just respect.

from now,
i have to hold the breath n heart beat to every little place...
to when i able to achieve my career target...
to whom i never can show it out...

is crazy for me!
is ridiculous!
i also dint deny i hv ever thk why my life so suck!
i admit i blame her the most...
many word why from my mind...
many blame from my heart...

this few weeks...
not easy to pass through...
cool down many...
think of myself...
...
wat i should say is...
no one should blame..
no answer of why..
i get know...
not everythg can under my control...
especially people...
if i choose to with someone..
i need to believe him or her...
without expect, without suspicious...
if trust wrong..
he or she is not yours...

i did done wrong...
make her justify she trust wrong..
result ours situation now...
i couldnt breath when i know this...
cause i never thk could be like this...
wats in my mind has justify i am.
it couldnt be explain...
cause is very alike...
even myself also couldnt differentiate...
i been accept once after long time debating...
finally i only get the answer...
but i don hope to exlain anymore...
cause it doesnt important anymore...
is up to future...
whether she could accept the fact...
important is i still know who am i...
it doesnt need do anything to prove in coming days...
i just behave who am i is enough...
cause if i am,
how behave also useless...

i choose to trust her...
actually she knew...
and she also knew why i trust but i difficult...
she knew all that...
this is the only way...
no people know why...
but now i could say...
trust, doesnt need know why...

i believe i know whats in her mind..
is sometime will think,
will it be necessary...

trust her,
thats what i only can do...
beside to choose let go...
i dont like this...
i dont like depend fate...
i hate count on destiny...
it make me dono what to do...
thats why i like question..

mouth say chanllenge..
but will i can do that?
i also so suspicious myself...
but i believe if i able to chanllenge,
i will be stronger...

now,
ahve to think how to handle every single morning when i wake up...
haih...

i also standing alone without soul without smile without tears too...
just believe someone will rescue me...

i do really love.

we both haven't prepared,
and also in confuse...
is time we rest...

i am losu

23 jan 1987, at sandankan, born a baby, call Low Shee Iuan. According Low You Yin, this baby surpose will not appear in this world... cause is an unexpected pregnancy( wrong timing)... mum try many way to drop this baby... but at the end... the fate make this baby come to this world...
i believe,,, it might hv somethg...

in primary school, many classmate want close to me.. dono why, each time arrange group, all fighting to same group with me... teacher also dono why special prefer me... ever have a teacher praise me good student in the class though i everyday dream in the session. Zzz..
I met Yung, kui vui, kang, mun, kit there... thats why we have WS... haha... Thats why have LOSU...
Losu is just a name name by them cause in hakka losu mean screw.
losu losu losu... everyone got a nick name that time... but only i never reject my nick name...
thats why losu still appear till now...

i believe i clever de... cause my academic result always not bad.. especially math...
haih... math ah math... why you always let me lansi de leh...
but, i just like this! i am i admit one o... same as i do admit i very weak in IT..Zzz...
small small already smart in agrue... Low You Yin always say me suitable be lawyer...
cause i never feel myself wrong... i believe if i do wrong, it also have some reason that make me do wrong... so i should be forgive... dono from where de theory..

small small go here n there... dono why i could have the freedom...
every parent sure control their children at that age... but why? i could...
i use to be can do watever i want... no restriction, no forbidden, no people can control me...
im the youngest in the family... dad, mom, brother always listen my reason... (i thought)
when i want do something, i can use all my point to get it ( i thought)...
i never thk i can be force.. if i don wan...
eventhouh during form three i need move johor... i also fight till i cant change the fact only move... my uncle also surprise why this 16 old guy will do so...even family decision also want fight...
in WS, i also leader... wat i want sure kui vui them will listen.. cos i very good in my point...
but, i so listen yung...
cause me and him is same...
like make our own choice...
tats y...
i always cant understand why kuivui cannot go out at nite tat time...
i always cant understand why engboon need to do household every evening...
i always cant understand why low shee bin need to study form six...
i always cant understand why she need to work till cant control, no life...
i always thought, we could choose our life....
hahaha... boss mindset...so childish...
tats why me and leslie so early want be boss...
but i believe i could...eventhough laugh me childish...
For me... life is just simple...and short...
just once...
so i will just appreciate every moment... spend with thg i want...
thats why, i so care the people i met....
and paiseh to say that i so proud to tell myself this:
"there is always you guy lucky to meet me..."
hahaha...
cause i will always remember you...

during college...i achieved work life balance...i got much memory with LC...i study and i work too...every month back johor once... haih... but start business a bit no balance le... cause i cant choose... my scedule not by me...
i don wan live in the way tat no under my control...sorry i choose to split...
but doesnt mean i want you die... believe me, this is not the easy thg to me...
one people want go way i thk death road, i wont follow...
if i thk tha is death road n i follow... it doesnt show i friendship with you, it just prove i no brain...
last time i may... but now i wont... kuivui approach is superb. i must use this better approach.
is better i standby n see how it can work for you...

going work le now...now only need start learn...wat is "no choice"... i unwilling to accept this fact...
but i getting feel is time i need know le... anyhow, i don believe i will take this... cos in my dictionary doesnt have this... hope in coming job i wouldn't fall into this no choice life style lo...
is going le...tats why so scare lo... scare i loss myself... fast fast type this blog first... at least if i loss should i read back this i know who am i actually... hahaha...

losu so proud to have many friends till now actually... primary got WS... St mary got issac gang, STK got engboon them... tarc got LC...so nice~ i proud have my family too...
just hope one day if i work till no life, loss myself, then offend you guys...you all can forgive me... :) cause losu not god, will loss sometime... i just feel very scare if i accidently loss myself n did offend you guys then loss any one of you...
i so scare le... i cant affort anymore...

an obstacle no matter how we shoud face.

not everything can try.
although no across the rule.
i have only learn this.

so helpless.
i dont know what to say.
beside just remain silent.

at least now i could define.
your word.
can be trust..
a so good feeling for me.

finally i high confident to go.
with this trust ship.
along to the ever best destination.
i hope.
i could deserve a special ticket.

maybe.
u afraid to give the special.
i understand.
is very sad for me.
but i will accept the fate.
the fate we only can reach here.

to go further,
must change the trust boat to big ship.
especially our case.
otherwise we difficult to sail everyday.

if you really trust me,
allow me a special ticket.
then we will see...
how nice the day in big ship.

cant sleep again

Recently,
got abit insomia...
cant sleep in the nite...
very long long time dint have this dy...
since my childhood.

when it happen,
for sure there is something need to do tomorrow...
but this time...
Is just a bit similar my childhood...

long time dint share my thinking at here le...
sometime type blog also because want save some personal memories here...
Just like doing a report.

now is 2.40 am
the fifa world cup final match is in this moment.
I,
dono why...
No mood to watch at all...
Not because i not interest football...
is just because...
something havent done yet...
cannot let go...

fortunately...
i have less quarrel with my dear...
Is feeling happiness...
however is ready for disaster anytime...
Anyhow,
thanks to her tolerant...
love her,
is born to be.

things i need to accept if i need my girlfriend

u from jb outstation to kl,
but i cant find u,
and u won't find me,
i need to accept.

u outstation with a guy colleague alone,
stay in same hotel,
even share same room,
i still need to accept.

but the guy colleague,
was ur ex boyfriend,
a guy u love deeply half year ago,
and i,
still forced to accept.

after accept all this thing,
when u at kl these few days,
i cannot call u,
cannot message u,
cause u busy,
tolerant ask me to accept.

time turn when u free one night,
we just start sms,
but you told me u want sleep,
wait till you wake up,
you din't call me too,
even i force u,
you also unwilling do,
i can't accept.
but i still,
ask me to accept.

today,
u accidentally come to my working place for work,
and i accidentally going there too,
we are in the same mall,
but,
u never think of wan meet me,
even a short while,
but i still told you to come,
but you insist drag away the fate we have,
i wouldn't force this time,
cause i really think is too over,
i couldnt accept finally.

I hv made up my mind.

I think is the max le....
From today on...
我不会再要自己妥协。

Something i also couldnt know how

Sometime...
I do miss him...
have pass 3 weeks...
It looks we like nth...
stay under same roof...
But...
conversation where...
...

Miss the time we been together...
No matter is during we small or youngsters or adult...
Miss the time we cross over the tough period...
Miss the time we celebrate the victory...
Yes i do...

i know he tough in this period...
i know what will going in coming days...
i also know what how he going to handle it...
i know...

"Perfect man" is not here...
"wondering man" also not here...
" social number two" yet is at sabah...
"old man" here... but...
left a "happy go lucky man" dont know what to do...

after last night...
i only realize...
i actually is keeping and enduring all this in pass 3 weeks...
i,
Dint think of regret...
Also,
i not looking back...
is just...
A feeling which not everyone could understand...

tires not because of work

I do found a most stubborn person in my life...
unfortunately...
This person is the one i hope to be together in my coming life...
I,
wouldn't know,
How life will going...
in my future...
if with this situation...

Is tiring...
tiring of all kind of unreasonable principle...
principle without any logic...
principle without thinking others...
is a principle in own world...
One two is ok...
all...
is annoying...

is tiring of all kind of inflexible...
from big to small...
Never can negociate...
HArd like rock...
Putting me like drowning in the river...
stabbed by million kind of kinfe...
the unstoppable bleeding...
had made me
Breathless...
Helpless...
Depress...

i demotivation...
trying my best to break this rock...
but is heartbreaken...
break into smaller piece and smaller piece and smaller piece..
as,
it dont want help at all...
until now...
has blow by the wind...
disappear...

is really looks like going sick d..
seldom sick..
but i wish sick...
cos no need work...
no need so fan...
wish lie on bed whole day sleep...
no need thk...
and wanna don wake up...

neck very pain...
wish got ppl massage me...
clothes havent wash too...
today i no appetie too...
have breakfast alone everyday...
seriously...
can i don wake up?

whole day only listen the a song...
I remember what you wore on the first day...

什么都不想理。。

Is tiring...
two week not stop working...
what can i say...
Own business...
i ready to scarify for this...

work,
is part of my life...
i cant stay home without work...
but i cant work without rest...
without life...
work life balance...
is difficult to achieve...

my business...
to support it operation still running...
i scarify a lot thing...
One thing i have to say i appologize to anna n boon...
Cause i really rarely find them...
one time two timw three time they might understand...
but if it consistently in this past two years...
they will annoy...

business is smooth...
what i can report here...

but not everything smooth...
sometime it need time...
but sometime...
it annoy me too...
start don't want bother...
let it go...